Danish Monarchy tensions rise as Princess Mary labels Denmark football team "weak dogs".

The Danish royal family is in damage control this morning with rumours circulating that Princess Mary has labelled the Denmark football team "weak dogs" and “a bunch of blouses” according to inside sources. This comes ahead of tonight's crucial World Cup clash between the Socceroos and Denmark in Russia. The group C clash is pivotal in both sides chances of qualifying for the knockout stages of the tournament. Whilst the Danes and Australians traditionally enjoy a mutually respectful relationship, the competitive streak within convict descendants can occasionally ruffle some feathers.

Originally from Tasmania, Princess Mary is rumoured to have hooked right into the complimentary Boag's premium and durries at a family function. She launched a glassy-eyed tirade against the Danes, in a spray that lasted as long as 15 minutes according to some. The verbal assault allegedly contained a slew of insults, much to the displeasure of the Danish public and Media Outlets. Mary is understood to have called Copenhagen a “poor man's Launceston”, as well as labelling Danish beer as "donkey piss", and finished by comparing the Danish Finance Department to the Centrelink front office. EU officials are seeking clarification on this last comment.

This behaviour has stunned the royal family, who had no inclination that the "dirty south" of Mary's personality could emerge with such ferocity, and with so little provocation.

"I knew she had a bit of a streak about her when we met." Said Prince Frederick, with a cheeky grin. The naïve royal then asked that the comment be kept “off record”.

"I noticed it a bit last week, she roared 'he's been doing it all day, ref! Get him onside' at the TV during the French match, but honestly, I thought it was all in good fun" Freddy continued.

The culmination of the bogan-esque rant came when Mary called the Danish football team "weak dogs", as well as branding star centre-forward Cristian Eriksen a "Gronk mutt".

The venom and vigour in Mary's words suggest she has not forgotten her roots, and is keen on a Socceroos victory.

The saving grace is that Mary reportedly fell short of pointing the gun at the Holy trinity of Danish culture; Great Danes, Danishes and Peter Schmeichel.

More to come from our Kiev based analysts…

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Tom Redman